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Tuesday, May 30, 2006
WOZ.. 6:11 PM

crap i hate tis bloody feeling of being left out. throughout the whole performance of Wiz of Oz i haf nvr felt so left out before in my life. onstage sure i had friends like the Oz Ladies but i din haf any like really close friends who i could go to and haf fun wif. crap i hated it.

sighs.. i nvr felt so uncomfortable. during the first hour whr we had to wait till the 2nd act which is wen the Oz Ladies start to perform.. i would be completely bored. everyone would be like talking and laughing wif one another whereas i will be just luking around looking for smtg to do. Gawd i was so bored. dun get me wrong. i was thrilled being an Oz Lady but... i thought i would be able to make more friends and i did but it just.. i felt so out of place. i missed the Joseph spirit. thr wasnt a family like feeling in the atmosphere. n hard as i tried to actually feel smtg wen i was onstage.. i got ntg. i din get tis amazing feeling tat filled my whole body leaving it tingling. i din get the nervous-nice feeling. i just couldnt feel it... anyting even..

i felt completely dissed by N too cos N was always preoccupied wif someone. at first i thought watever but then it only got worse. everytime i talked to N it was like talking to a wall. it almost felt like N din even wan to be around me. gawd tat was irritating. N was always surrounded by the ppl and i jsut felt completely out of place. it was like a white wall wif a tiny black spot on it. even ML seemed to be doing better than i was. i just wish WOZ nvr happened. cos like now im feeling soo alone. i felt so alone during WOZ. n i so wish i could turn time around. if i could i wouldnt haf gone to tat stupid 'so-called-afterparty'. it was at blings and tons of pl wen. TONS! the place was so frigging crowded i couldnt even get my drink. everywhr i turned i only saw strangers.. happy strangers chatting away n laughing. i looked for familiar faces n saw N was surrounded by ppl. i took one look at N n felt smtg terrible form in my gut. call it watever u like but i hated tat feeling

words cant describe wat im feeling. i wen out yesterday wif everyone to watch X-Men3. it was a kinda okay movie i guess. as usual i sat on the far end of the seat whr the seat bside me would be empty. i just.. i dun wan to say hate but i just.. kept tinking bout everything tat happened. i just felt like.. not talking or looking at someone. i had no mood at all 4 anyting. i wish i hadnt gone out at all. complete waste of my time. i could haf been doing my bm homework.

crap tis sucks.. LaTeRsSsss...