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Thursday, December 28, 2006
jeepers creepers 1:37 AM

hmm the time is 1.41am. i am watching Table For Three wif my sis right now. i wonder wat i will be doing tomorrow... ? u noe.. after the PMR results are out i mean. hmmm im not nervous.. im not worried.. im just... ME! i dun get it. mayb its cos i dun give a damn. mayb its cos i tink i noe wat the outcome is. hmm i dunoe. lifes a mystery. recently on xmas day, in church, this lil kid was just baptised and so he was giving his testimony.

he said smtg like 'I join a lot of academic competitions in my school. and everytime, i pray before and after it. i ask God to guide me and help me.'

so obviously he always get top and prizes. he seems like a smart kid. wears glasses and goofy grin. he kinda got me. i mean i never thought of praying like tat. i mean i do when i feel in trouble but i never considered praying constantly. like for all the times i feel i need help. only certain times i would pray. hmmm so i was tinking.. if it worked for him, y not me? my pastor says prayer is the most powerful thing. the kid even added smtg 'to me, praying is the two way thing. its how i communicate wif God.'

and tat hit me too. its weird how little things like tis can affect u. i mean i knew all tis but.. i just din noe it. u get me? i heard of it so many times so its like engraved in my brain but i never thought bout it. hmmm so im gona pray. =) im gona pray like hell for tomorrow. i dun noe the outcome but im praying its a good one. hmm i honestly wonder wat im gona be doing tomorrow after the results. hmm guess theres only one way to find out. and tats in approximately 8 hrs time. hmm kinda strange. my future is gona be decided in 8hrs. lol. it used to be 257 days. haha according to cikgu danny and fred. now its just 8 hrs. wow. lol anyways im gona go. getting alil too dramatic for my own good. hmm if ure reading tis.. pray for me =P i could use it =) LaTeRsSsss...

Thursday, December 21, 2006
THINK! u could haf just saved ur own life thr buddy =) 11:36 PM

just b4 i moved into diana's pigsty of a room, i was reading this christian teen book every nite. 'Stories for the Extreme Teen Hearts' complied by Alice Gray. anyways its a great book. it has stories bout teenagers accepting Christ. about how they haf realized how important God's Word was and how God has helped them in their struggles in life. there was lyk 2 stories taken from the Columbine HighSchool Shooting otherwise known as the Columbine Massacre in Littleton, Colorado. due to the inspirational stories, i looked it up on the net. i remember seeing an advertisement of a documentary bout the shooting on Discovery Channel but i was busy i tink on tat day so i missed the show. otherwises i would haf realy wanted to watch it.

for those who do nt know, two troubled teens Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold walked into their skool tat day with one goal. tat was to kill hundreds of students. frm wat i haf read, they were the outcasts of the social ladder and were usually picked on by fellow students esp the jocks. somehow all tis hate lead them to violence. 12 students died tat faithful day plus a teacher who was shot in the back.

Rachel Scott was the first to be killed as she was having lunch on the grass wif a fellow classmate. She was a faithful and strong believer in Christ

Cassie Bernall was the most popular of all those killed bcos some witnesses claimed just secs before she was killed, one of the shooters asked her 'Do u believe in God?'. of cos being a strong believer as well, Cassie replied 'Yes'. then she was shot and died instantly

reading tis.. just stunned me. it sent a chill down my spine wen i read it. it made me change my opinion on God. i mean i know God is my father, saviour but just reading bout the whole Columbine Shooting just made it more real to me. the good thing tat came out of it all was after the shooting, students started Christian clubs to help those who survived and are forever traumitized. its kind of weird uh? two students lyk Rachel and Cassie made such a great impact on their school. the world even. i mean they sure affected me. they inspire me to be more religious and more faithful. hopefully they will inspire u too.

as for the 2 gunmen, they shot themselves in the library. so please next time ure gona make fun of some guy in ur class, lyk how he dresses funny, or is slow, or is shy. tink again. tat person is a human being just lyk u. he has feelings. or better tink of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. these 2 were so hurt they resulted to murder. im sure nobody in their skool would haf believed they were be capable of such actions but hey, it happened. now they will be forever condemned in hell. dont make the same mistake they did. so think. next time u think of teasing someone, THINK! you might haf just saved ur own life right there. THINK!

I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it will start a chain reaction - Rachel Scott, 17, first victim in the Columbine Shooting

I will not be labelled average - Rachel Scott

Saturday, December 16, 2006
lodge vs batu kawa 5:40 PM

hm phoeb just left. ahha we were playing poker. so fun =) haha i cleaned her out lyk 3 times.. of cos she cleaned me out even more. -_- but she noes the game mah! i just learnt! anyawys got up early and wen breakfast then changed and wen to ACS building to pick up the team. omg.. emm and see chin were SO LATe! tania also! diana lyk blowing up olrdi in the car but tnk God it was my understanding,patient and kind mum who was driving. still.. it pissed me. wat the heck? i said 12pm and ended up the 3 arrived at 12.40pm. piss me off man.

tats the last time im doing tat again. -_- anyways the game was alrite i guess. just i sprinted too much in the beginning. nearly died in the 4th quarter. ahha yaay! im happy to announce i managed to reject some of the batu kawa-ers. lol haha and scored a few baskets. sighs. the score was 37-47. not bad la seeing tat none of us haf trained or played much due to PMR and SPM

sighs. the boys were rite after our game. theirs was much more interesting cos it was a neck and neck score. in the end, it was 61-65. so sad. by 4 points only. so anyways it was realy tiring for me. so out of shape.. crap -_- need to exercise now.. i tink if we had janalyn and tiff chuo.. we mite haf won. sighs. well.. i tink the most fun of the day was playing poker wif phoeb. haha realy fun!!! its all luck and how good u can bluff in tis game. hahaha SO FUN!

bsides tat, bart is back! yep tat NZ guy whose CUTE,HOT,CHARMING! lol *incase he reads my blog*. lol hmm wen out wif him and yiyang and phoebs the first day. played pool and archery tat day. my first time at archery. wah.. so hard to pull the arrow back. lol my whole arm was shaking and tingling. and i discovered tat the racing game in the arcade IS ALOT OF FUN! haha its soooo fun! hahah and addictiive. hmm

then wen out wif the guys n steph. played pool and coffebeaned and arcaded. tat was the day b4 the form 3 so-called-prom at One Three Hill. din attend tat 'important' function. keith n charley later msged me to go out watch movie cos the party sucked. but tim said it was fun so i haf no idea -_-. oh and on tat nite, everyone met at ashs house to go to Winner's Court to play badminton at around 8pm. i picked up bart and find out tat his house was in a walking distance of mine! WOOHOO!! lol at the court, bart was exceptionally good. or mayb it was bcos we all jsut suck. lol but he was realy good at badminton. kinda funny too. keith wen all pro and wore all those bandy-thingys. lol so cute =)

oh and i fell while running to escape the screaming siren alarm at my basement. i fell on the sharp steps and AH-BA-KONG-ED my knee and ankle. sooo blooody painful. i was soooooooooooooooooo scared i broke or fractured smtg. lol seems silly now but at the time it made more sense than Britney Spears marrying K-Fed. i cried and cried by myself expecting a knight in shining armor to come and swoop me off my feet and ride into the setting sunset together. LOL! but i honestly was expecting someone to come and help me. to my disappointment, no one came ='( so i struggled to get to my feet and then laid down in the living room in the comfort of my soft pillows and comfy blankets. such bliss. lol my knee now is still blue-black or at least yellow-blue. lol i took a pic of it wif my hp but i cant transfer to my comp. will find another way. =)

tats all for now =D LaTeRsSsss...

Saturday, December 09, 2006
durians.. durians.. FRIGGING DURIANS! 12:23 AM

its raining durians!! at least it is in my household. haha tnks to diana, we haf our very own personal source of delicious scrumptious durians! haha! its kinda of a long story n funny one but i cant talk bout it. haha sighs. anyways just ate some and im so friggin stuffed! im lyk stuffed to the max of the max. sighs. feel lyk puking. wish i can puke. damnit. just got bck frm church

haha stupid janalyn keep msging me. haha in the middle of church, she msg me say 'fuck! im at right side. i wan go left side la!'. haha i start laughing lyk shit. haha so craazy. hahaha! tonite is youth nite. haha i wen wif diana n jane. kinda fun i guess. hvnt been to youth nite since .. forever. haha and wei hong intro-ed us!! craaap! so paiseh! hafta stand up n sit down again. my whole face red arr.. aduhai. paiseh paiseh lol stupid

hmm day before, i woke up at 6.30am-ish then wen bck to sleep. woke up again at 7.30am-ish then slept again. then chun chun at 8am, sineado called me.


haha i just lied n said 'yea yea olrdi lor.'

hahaha suppose to meet up and go to batu kawah to play bball. lol gila so far i noe. but its fun!!! well at least the 2nd day i wen was fun. some other guys wen. hmm at first, everyone called tis other guy 'ga ga' or 'ah ga'. haha i was lyk trying to tink. his name is 'ga ga'? hahahaah but turns out its EDGAR! ceeehhhhh!! thought wat. then his friend was shawn and jan's cousin samuel WHO IS SO CUTE! hahah hes so cute.

hmm 'ga ga' or 'ah ga' said my shooting damn chun. wah.. i feel so happy wen he say. hahaha hes frigging good btw. he trashed the batu kawah boys. and hes only 13yrs old. gilaaaa. haha overall, it was realy fun cos i got to get out of the house and hangout wif other ppl bsides my regular friends n family. janalyn is gila man. lol stupid funny idiot! and i just found out she goes to BLESSED CHURCH TOO! SAME AS ME!! =O ahhaha yaaaay! now i got a new friend. woohooo. lol. i was asking God for one in church since miffy left. woohoooo! tnks God btw =D

neways got some pics of the durian fiasco. naiti im still so full. shit! how to lose weight lyk tis? cham lor. aiyaaar. watever la.

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my handmaded bday pressie for ash =) appreciate it arsehole! lol kidding

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dun they look heavenly? yum yum!

she wouldnt leave me alone.....

if u cant beat 'em, join 'em!

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at first, they were just happy lil durians. sitting in the sun but then.. *scary music* they met SANDRA NGU AND DIANA NGU! mwaaahah! the aftermath =P

shes everywhere i tell u! everywhere!!!!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006
random pics 7:19 PM

u noe the saying every pic is worth a million words? well i will hafta agree in tis case. was browsing through my comp n found some memorable times of 2006. my year as a form 3 student. my year as a student sitting for PMR. my year of self-reliance. my year of finding out who i am and wat im gona be. my year... my year.. =)

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looking fugly thr. sighs i wont change a thing =)

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the good old days.. =) i will treasure tat jersey for the rest of my life

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countless hours spent at danny kueh's lair. haha priceless

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.. no comment.. lol

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my very own palace on Earth. cant wait to see the one in heaven! lol *hint!* *hint!*

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my very first and best gavel dinner

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interact 2006

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at bau wif friends. frigging hot day tat was

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recent pic of us at blablabla for ash/freds bday dinner =)

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lol during form2. haha silly timmy =P

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during form 2 on bus to matang wildlife reserve

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my brotha frm anotha motha

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the oz episode.. =|

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haha and finaly ME! candid shot while surfing the web. haha =D


Saturday, December 02, 2006
i accomplished my worst fear.. loneliness 12:59 AM

today was one of the most depressing days of my life. kinda ironic cos it started off okay. i wen to star wif joel. we played pool lyk i dunoe.. 8 games of it? it was sooooo fun! haha at first, i sucked shit! i was so unlucky! i kept hitting the black ball in. lyk my 1st shot, n i just had to hit the 8-ball. haha sucks man! joel was lyk acting so pro n stuff. haha doofus. so later wen rach msged me, we walked bck to sarawak plaza. btw i olrdi had a major foot-ache. my slippers werent very suitable for walking long distances.

just as expected, wen we reached swak plaza, rach said they were olrdi at tun jugah. i was lyk 'im gona beat them up later. im gona kick their arses.' haah joel was just lyk 'yep sandra. yep yep. ok sandra. Ooooo sandra.' hahah it was kinda funny. hvnt hung out wif him in a long time. lyk just 1 on 1. it was fun. so anyways we found the rest of them in the end! we were all picking out a pressie for fred. it was a backpack. a real nice one tho. hmm then walked to riverside and ran into my sis who asked me if i was done yet. i was lyk '???i just met them'. obviously i wasnt done yet! then she gave me lyk this look lyk 'stop tinking about urself.im not ur driver' and shit. of cos i got frigging irritated. so in the end, i had to follow her home. but she olrdi left the building cos i told her i was gona catch a ride wif ash. but ash was leaving too late and i had tuition tat nite.

so i msged her and asked whr she was. her reply 'goin home'. i was lyk wat the heck? i misunderstood her cos i thought she said she was goin to tun jugah to buy some stuff. so i was olrdi standing in tun jugah wen i got her reply. i was lyk wtf?! i called her and she was all annoyed and piss and i was soo frigging pissed! she told me to wait at McD. while i was waiting, i got so so so so mad. i thought of all the things i was gona do wen i got in the car. all the things i was gona say. but wen i got in, my pissed off expression was enough. i din look at her. she knew i was pissed and i knew she was pissed. so its lyk 2 very ticked off ppl in a bmw.

the more i thought bout stuff, the more i felt lyk crying. yet i tried to hold it bck. wen i got home, i slammed the door and walked off. i remembered bout the bball comp sineado was yakking bout. n i hvnt trained since i quit which was mid of the year due to PMR. so i decided to run alil and do some stretches. was sweating in no time. so after my shower, diana left wif no explanation. watever. i din wan to talk to her either. later she came bck and called me. i was online so i totally ignored her. then she got mad and shouted my name. i pretended to suffer momentary deficiency in my hearing. then i just got up and changed and got in the car.

in the car, i just said wat i was tinking at McD.

me : ure picking me later at 9pm
she : y? i got church remember. its not over at 9pm

(ok b4 we had tis convo bout the schedule. i had tuition tat finished at 9pm and she had youth which ended around 10pm or 10.30pm. i asked her to leave earlier but she refused and got mad. so i said pick me up at 10pm then. i din tink she would agree! i expected to say ookok.fine i will leave earlier then. but she DIDNT!)

me : u made me leave early for my friends. ure leaving early for church. *pissed alil*
she: wat the hell is ur prob? y r u acting lyk a bitch to me? u always yell at me. i cant say one thing about u cos wen i do, u just shout bck at me. whrs ur respect? im older than u by 3yrs if u 4got.

the nxt things i said, i vaguely remember. all i noe is i shouted bck fucking pissed off as well. so we were both yelling at each other. omg i nvr hated her so much before. then she said she was gona call my mum. i was tinking all its gona do is make her sad and worry. so i told her dun. she replied nastily "is tat a threat?"

tis was a girl bout to go to church. wow. wow is all i can say. omg tinking bout it again just pisses me off. so anyawy to make it short, i din go tuition cos i started crying. i got home n cried/yelled my heart out on the living room floor. i haf never felt so alone b4 in my life. she drove off. so i was alone at home. after crying for a bit, i ran to my room and locked the door. turned the radio up. crawled on my bed and wrote out my feelings. my anger. my rage. my annoyance. my complaints. my everything. i wrote it all on a single page of paper. afterwards, i cried myself to sleep. dun pity me alrite. to whoever is reading. i dun wan ur pityness. i just wan happiness. and currently, i dun haf tat in my life. im an open sink. everything everyone says just goes through. it doesnt mean anything.

loneliness.. its a terrible feeling. a feeling of emptiness. a feeling of tinking u haf no one. u haf no one who understands. u tink the whole world is against u. even ur own family bickers wif u. tis has been the most emotional year of my life. its jsut i haf so so so many things i wan to say. so many things on my mind. and i hafno one. no one to unwind to. no one to talk to. no one who will listen. no one who even bothers to ask me how am i? ask me wat i tink? how i feel? no one.

the only thing i find tat i can relate to is music. lyk tis song. my current background song. Delta Goodrem - Lost Without U. tis song goes out to my mum. i miss her so badly. i wish she came home. i miss her more than i miss anyone. i miss my mum. i miss the way she smells. i can stil smell her on her clothes in the closet. i miss the way she laughs too loudly at lil things. i miss the fact tat she always brings me out wif her to eat and stuff. i miss hearing her voice. i just miss her so bloody much. i wish she come bck. obviously she would nvr go online and read my blog cos she nvr touches the comp. i love her so much. i nvr say it but i do. my family arent lyk the shows on tv. we dun say i love u infront of one another. but we show it in our own way. i can see my mum loves me to death wen she takes care of me wen im sick and wishing for death. shes always thr. thrs tis one vague memory of her cleaning out my puke frm the sink. i was very sick and i puked in the sink. she came n cleaned it up. i dunoe why but the picture of her standing over the sink wif a look of disgust on her face just stayed wif me forever even now. tat was i dunoe how many years ago. oh god i love my mum. i miss her so badly. pls come bck mum...

normally im the one who doesnt care. just brushes things off easily. the one who does wat others say. the one tat just takes it. every blow. every order. not anymore. im sick of it. im through. im done. im tired of being nice. im sick of being pushed around. i wont haf it anymore. its over. im done