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Labels: people -_-, ramblings, thoughtsthis has been a very long 2 weeks orientation is finally over!i didnt realize how tiring it was and i didnt really realize how little i was eating in the beginning toothe first few days i only had like a meal a day or small snacks i usually skipped dinner bcos by the time i got home every night, it was usually pretty lateand i was too tired to eat or drive to get foodshit la. i think i became a lot darkerdespite my attempts to salvage my skin with sunblock, i still can see the difference in my skin colour :'(gahhh its like everyday it's soooo hot!the weather is killer, mananyway, the thing i wanted to blog about was that,i realized that i really take notice of the little things people doand i can get soo irritated by some people i mean some things are just basic courtesy yet many people seem completely oblivious to iti'm just saying, if you're not considerate to me, don't think i will be to you eitherit's like.. i don't know.stuff as petty as paying for the parking ticket or offering a nice gesture means a lot to meand i really take note of such thingsit's like.. i'll be nice to you if you're nice to me and i will be really nice to you if you're really nice back, know what i mean? i don't know. i guess the big word is being consideratewhich sooo many people are notand it irritates the hell out of mei mean, the other time we went out with our seniors and they drove.i paid for his parking ticket bcos i thought since we were using his car and he had to drive around so much, i figured it was the polite and considerate thing to do.yet, i was just amazed at how everyone else just kinda looked away or seemed oblivious to iti don't think it's asking too much for people to be considerate, right?
it finally happenedall those hours spent worrying, doubting, stressing, pushing, cryingit finally happened:)still in disbelief thoughseeing my name on the letter was just.. a kinda cool momentalright now i've been given the opportunitythe rest is up to mei just realized my new motto this year:P.U.S.Hi can do itand i will do iti hope :-)this year will be excitingcan't waitstay tuned :P
i'm tired of the presenti want to go back to the pasti want to go back to this moment
for a very long time now, i have come to the realization that i am not a very nice person.i am able to treat some people so cruellyit's always so much easier when someone gives you a scenario like someone doing wrong or someone bullying someone and you simply go 'oh that's wrong. he shouldn't do that. that's mean.'its so so so SO easy to judge, to criticisebut when the person in that scenario is you, it's completely different.everything changessuddenly, it doesn't seem that wrong to join the crowd and make fun of someoneit doesn't seem wrong or cruel to add to that person's painit doesn't even occur to you how that person must feel it doesn't occur to you that all that person ever needed was a friend, someone to talk toat that moment, you're only caught up in yourself and the crowd,what everyone is doingdespite your previous noble statements about right and wrong, you pick up your own stone and throw it at the targetted individualthis reminds of the story 'The Lottery'. i don't knowi always think and reflect a lot of myself and what i've done during my exam cramming periodsfor some reason, my mind always drifts away from my books and to my life and my actionsthe result being:i have wronged many individualsindividuals who have never done anything wrong to meindividuals whom had only wanted my companionship, instead i pushed their hands awayi looked awayi turned awaywhile cramming for my final exam, i even wrote down the names of people whom i thought i ought to apologise to, specifically for wronging themi look back now and wonder, how could i do such a thing?what i would give... to go back and have a do overi wonder what kinda person i would be today if i did have the chancei wonder if i like myselfhmmi just want to say, despite the fact that many those i've wronged won't read this, i just want you to know, i'm sorryyou deserve better
Labels: thoughtssometimes when i am still awake in bed, i start thinking about it
especially after someone asked me about it during the day
i go back and lie down and just ponder for a moment
then sometimes my heart rate quickens and i feel my palms starting to sweat
i feel nerves and i am lying there, agitated and a little scared
what happens if i don't?
what's next?
this really keeps me up at night sometimes
which is why i try my best not to think about it at all
but yet, sometimes.. it just hits me from no where and i'm left lying there, feeling scared
Labels: thoughtsi have one shot here.
a chance to really do something.
why not take it?
Labels: thoughtssighs
there are two people i hate the most, namely:
Ms. Angry
&
Ms. Judgemental
i let these two individuals control my life too much
that has to stop
Labels: thoughtsi just screwed up big time.
oh shit
